Wednesday, June 12, 2013

I Made A Mistake

I got a job at Macey's. it's just part time, temporary, while I figure out what I should do/want to do.

I've worked there almost a month now, and I think I made a mistake when I was first hired. I went through orientation and was given lots of forms to fill out. Probably for the government. Some were for the government at least. 

Anyway, on one of the forms there was a question: "Do you have a disability?" And you could answer yes or no. I stared at that question for a long time (probably 2-3 minutes), before I ended up checking no. 

I know I have a disability, but I hate admiring it officially. It was this way in University, too. I was given letter to give to professors that gave me things like extra time for papers and leniency for absences. But I hated using them. So I wouldn't, until I had to. 

Well, yesterday was a long, hard, stressful day at work. And do you know what the number one trigger for my depression is? Stress! So, today has been, well, heck. It's a good thing I don't work today. But I'm worried about tomorrow. And the next day. And the next day. Will I be able to get out of bed? Will I be able to make it to work on time? 

So, I'm regretting saying no. Because obviously the answer is yes, and I should have been honest and checked yes. And now I don't know what to do. How do I being up something like this? Especially since I don't have a therapist or psychiatrist anymore. How do I provide evidence that I do have a disability? 

I just don't know. But I hope I can figure it out soon. It would suck if I had to quit. 

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